Unpredictable

This is a story I don’t like to talk about. In fact, I try to avoid it whenever it comes up.  

To understand my love for football, you have to first understand the resentment and hatred I once had for the game.

However, it has taught me one of the most valuable life lessons and had a major impact on shaping the person I am today.

For as long as I remember I have loved football.  It started around the age of eight. I vividly remember watching NFL games in my living room, and pretending I was in the game. I would snap the ball to myself and if the QB handed the ball off on TV, I would hand it off to myself and run around the living run until the running back got tackled. If the quarterback threw the ball, I would throw it up in the air and pretend I was the receiver making the catch.

During Thanksgiving, I didn’t eat at the table with the family. I ate by the T.V. watching the Detroit Lions and my favorite player Barry Sanders. He would make professional football players look foolish as they tried to tackle him. I was in awe of his talent. I loved everything about the game and couldn’t wait for the day I got to play high school football.

When the day finally came to play for my high school I enjoyed every minute of it. I was playing with the friends I grew up with or played against in little league. We had a successful freshman season and after the season I was constantly thinking about the next season.

In my sophomore season I played for coach Gary Klatt. During that summer I was having success with summer workouts and seven on seven competitions. Due to the feedback from the coaches I started to believe I had a great chance of starting as a sophomore. 

I will never forget how excited I was for my first varsity game. Coach Klatt decided to start me and told me I was part of a select few in his coaching career that started the season as a sophomore. We played Denver South and I caught two passes. Each pass I caught, I scored a touchdown. I was interviewed after the game and was on cloud nine. My love for football kept growing.

While I had personal success that season, we struggled as a team and went 2-8. After the season there was an announcement that we would be getting a new head football coach.  

In my junior year the school hired Coach Jay Madden. He completely changed the culture and attitude of our program. He expected commitment and excellence from all his players and didn’t allow anything less. It was exactly what the team needed and we all believed the next season would be different from our previous 2-8 season.

My junior year was an unforgettable season. We went 11-1 and created memories that will last a lifetime. To this day, my friends and I still talk about the memories of that season. I played running back and received All-Conference and All-State honors. I had always loved football, but after this season I was obsessed! I couldn’t wait for my senior year. I promised myself I was going to be the best player I could be and give everything I had to my team during my last season.  

In the summer leading up to my senior year, my goal was to be the best running back in the state. I would settle for nothing less. It was a priority of mine to play college football, but I didn’t focus on that. I knew if I trained hard and had another good season I would have an opportunity to play in college.  

That summer I attended various football camps and combines. I was always in the top percentile. Along with my summer workouts I would run sprints and set up cones in the golf course at night to make football cuts. I devoted everything to football! EVERYTHING! I even broke up with my high school girlfriend because I didn’t want any distractions. I gained 20 pounds from my junior year and was bigger, faster, and quicker then I have ever been. Nothing was going to get in the way of my team and myself having a great senior season.

A week before our first game we had an inter-squad scrimmage planned for practice. Before the scrimmage started we were doing tackling stations. In one particular drill I remember taking a hit on the knee. It wasn’t that painful, but I just remember it feeling strange and unstable.

Before our scrimmage started I was jogging around and making cuts on the field to get warmed up. I remember running about half-speed and I made a cut on my right leg and my knee completely gave out. I instantly dropped to the ground. I was in complete shock of what happened.

The coaches rushed around me to see what happened. My knee just buckled on me and I remember being at a loss for words. The next couple of days I had an MRI and was informed I wouldn’t play a snap of football again with my brothers. My season and career was over. I tore my ACL, Meniscus and other ligaments around it. It would require season-ending surgery.

As a 17-year-old kid my world was torn apart. I felt like I was in a living funeral and couldn’t comprehend why this happened.  

I was angry I even put this much effort into football. I was angry my friends talked about the upcoming season around me. The last comment I wanted to hear was everything happens for a reason. I was a 17-year-old angry at the world. 

My breaking point was at the homecoming rally. Reluctantly, I hobbled my way into the rally.  Standing with my two crutches and knee brace I watched as the student body and my friends went crazy with excitement for the upcoming game. It was my senior year homecoming game and I wouldn’t play a snap. I was heartbroken….

I had a friend take me home after the rally. I went up to my room and broke down crying. I remember crying for hours. I started ripping down the posters of Barry Sanders, Michael Jordan, Brett Favre and other items on my wall. 

That night my mom set up a family meeting with my dad and step-dad. In her motherly way she made me realize that feeling sorry for myself was not going to change what happened. While the injury was devastating I needed to focus on getting better and rehabbing.

One comment I still remember was her saying, “Your playing days are only over if you keep feeling sorry for yourself! Once you get off your crutches you will start rehabbing and you can work on coming back.”

I did exactly that. However, this is not the story where everything works out in the end. I went to the University of Wyoming to continue playing football. Over the next two year span I had another four knee surgeries. I don’t regret a minute of going to Wyoming to continue playing. But, for reasons I can not explain the knee injuries kept occurring. 

After a fourth surgery I remember calling home. I told my parents that if I have one more issue I am done. Two months later during our winter conditioning as I was doing hurdle jumps I felt another pop.

I didn’t need an MRI to tell me I hurt my knee again. I was trying to play at a Division 1 level on a knee that would never heal fully. I felt that I was a better athlete as a 17-year-old then after my four knee surgeries.  I was done!   

I grabbed a trash bag, cleaned out my locker, and went home. I remember giving Russ Arnold who ended up being one of my best friends and captains on the team a hug. While tears were coming down my cheek, I told him, “I’m done.”

At this point in my life I was 20 years old and had a better perspective on what real tragedies and misfortunes were. I was able to realize this was unfortunate, but not a tragedy. Something as a high school kid I didn’t understand as well.

So what’s the lesson?

Life can be unfair. You can spend days, months and even years asking yourself why certain tragedies and misfortunes happen to you and not have an answer.

However, the best lesson I learned is there is a silver lining in every misfortune. Every difficulty or setback that causes pain also contains a potential for growth and wisdom. It’s important to understand that there is not a time frame to find your silver lining. For myself it took 6 years to find my silver lining in this situation.

My silver lining has helped shape me into the person I am today. I wouldn’t be the coach I am today without this injury. I wouldn’t have sympathy or be able to relate when one of my players gets injured. I let my kids know they are more than an athlete and that sports are what you do, not who you are. My injury taught me to not be discouraged because of failures, and with failures comes growth. I could list 100 more silver linings from this injury that helped me grow.

Life can be unfair, but try to find your silver lining in misfortunes. It might take a month or years to find, but when you do you will find clarity and peace; realizing you learned from it.